Today was my due date for baby #2. It’s a day marked with sadness, as our second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage last fall. It’s been a whirlwind since then as life has changed dramatically in a multitude of ways and has ushered in a new chapter. But we still mourn the loss of our little one. The following words were written in the midst of processing our grief, yet the courage to post wasn’t present. We’ve been encouraged by so, so many who have shared this grief and want be present on this journey alongside others, so we share today.

October 16, 2015

Yesterday was National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Over the last two days, I joined the millions of women who mourn every day for the babies they never held. I became a face to the statistic of every one in four women experiencing the loss of life too soon.

Two weeks ago, I was eight weeks pregnant and counting down the days to May 9, 2016 when Karlos and I would be holding our new precious babe in our arms. Sofie would be ecstatic with joy at the thought of finally becoming the big sister she’s meant to be (these leadership skills are purposeful!) But with heavy hearts, we heard the news “I’m sorry to tell you that there isn’t a heartbeat.”

Those who knew about our pregnancy ushered us into mourning with great love and care. They’ve called, they’ve texted, they’ve cried, they’ve prayed. Many of them, too, have experienced the searing loss of a little one. Some haven’t, but still bravely enter the journey with us. Either way, none have forgotten the life that once lived and grew inside of me. Thank you, dear ones. Your love sees us through to stronger days.

Our hearts will forever mourn this baby who we never met beyond an early ultrasound. We will also wonder who you were meant to be, sweet one. And we can’t wait for our entire family to be united one day in heaven. We long for that day when “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

We live in Hope.